Guess what I found this morning in my inbox? A steamy helping of negative criticism all for me. The type of negativity that makes you wonder what happened to this person to make him so angry?
Lord have mercy.
Must I always have a shield up to protect me from my own opinions? Apparently, having a blog (and a little technical know-how) makes me a target, even if it’s small.
Let’s have a look at my morning surprise:
Comment on the post: Tango Cruzada from the Basic Eight
So you just took a few tango lessons and you are a teacher now?
Comment on the post: How to Lead and Follow Tango Like a Pro
You can’t walk – you can’t lead. You go first and the follower second. WRONG. Stop giving lessons!
Did you replace this guy’s toothpaste with Neosporin? Cause he’s pissed!
I can’t imagine what would cause him to take such personal interest in me and leave such comments. What do you know, he posted as anonymous. Even better.
Let’s call him a censor, shall we?
Beware the Censor
Censors exist as internal and external sources of negativity. Their goal is to block your creative juices by planting limiting beliefs in your head that can lead to fear, self-sabotage, and all things destructive.
For example, you’re out shopping and a censor innocently pops into your head:
Put that dress back! You’re not good enough at Tango to wear something like that yet.
Or, it can be a real-life person perhaps in an email (tee hee):
You can’t walk – you can’t lead. Stop giving lessons!
Regardless of their source, take strict criticisms and judgments with a grain of salt if they’re not followed by ways to help you with your problem.
This morning’s inspiration reminds me of the The Artist’s Way, a book by Julia Cameron. It suggests using journal writing as a method of cleansing the censors from your head and encouraging inner creativity. I highly recommend it if you have three months to focus on its exercises.
Give censors little to no acknowledgment if you want to excel in life. If you’re the make lemonade from lemons type, then use a censor’s scorn as a reason to better yourself.
Finally, to the nay-sayer that wasted five minutes of his life scolding me this morning:
Thank you for proving that lower-level thinking still exists! Your inability to provide a wholesome comment inspired me to write this post on the fly and actually bought me some time. I had another article that needed more work so now I can edit it over the weekend and publish it next week.
Thank you for being you!
And remember…
Keep dancing,
Panayiotis Pete Karabetis
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{ 22 tango-induced comments… read them, love them, and add your 2 cents! }
Glad *censor* is not my teacher!!
I am in complete and total agreeance with you here, Pete!
First off, way to take a particularly off-handed, uncalled for, and unsupported comment and turning it into an excellent post! You bring up several points that we can all benefit from, but the jist of them being don’t let critics like this fine specimen get you down.
We are all learning and evolving, and needless to say we don’t need this negative aura pulling us down. I tip my hat to you sir!
And secondly, to the person that commented in such a crude fashion – next time grow some and actually stake a claim to your thoughts, Mr. Anonymous. Your lack of forwardness in revealing who you are just helps to reinforce the fact that you are not only are rude and crass, but you are also a coward.
Viva la tango!
Yay!!! Hear! Hear!
I’ve been shot down worse with one criticism than from 10 encouragements or from someone kind enough to tell me how to make my dance better, and it’s tough to bounce back from criticism as a 2-month newbie, but …
Viva la tango!
It’s funny how one negative comment can totally ruin all the good ones you’ve been given, isn’t it?
Keep in mind, though, that the followers you dance with have the same insecurity and concern in the back of their heads as you do. We all do.
The key (there are so many!) is to dance for you while holding them in your embrace. Hopefully, with that on your mind, there will be no room for self-defeating thoughts
Welcome to the blog and thank you for commenting!
I’ve been writing and reading blogs for a long time and the general rule is, if you’re going to talk trash about someone – you better put your name on it. Otherwise, you’re just a troll. On a positive note, I wholeheartedly agree with Allison – good job on turning it into an outstanding post.
It seems the better we get at something, the greater the risk of becoming a target for other people’s need to feel superior.
great post!
Ah, where would we be without trolls!
Ignore them, and keep up the good work.
All of us feel like acting playing the troll occasionally. It’s only human. But, for those that choose to do so on this blog will wear a dunce hat like so:
[WEARING A DUNCE HAT]
…imaginary comment by troll…
This is, and will continue to be, a place to express ideas and constructive criticism about Tango with the goal of improving each other.
So, beware the dunce hat!
Great blog great post…..
Yeah, some people just hate themselves or their life and have to take it out on others. I personally don’t think anyone should complain about or criticize anyone or situation unless they have a solution to offer up. Otherwise its wasted breath.
Hoo Ha!
Check out what Noiseintheair has to say about that pesky troll:
Perhaps that is what has happened here with your anonymous “responder”.
Perhaps there is something I did to provoke him?
Also I agree with both Alison and Mr. Pachino.
This reminds of the little hater…
Like Allison et al, I agree- way to make that sour lime into a delicious Margarita!
I’ll give the Margarita to Allison, the salt tastes so nasty!
Al Pacino rocks, and he did say it best. I love the perspective, and I love the post!
Hoo Ha!
Welcome back, and congratulations on leaving the phone behind on your vacation. You did the right thing
This is the type of thinking that will get you through all your obstacles in life. Ignore the nay-sayers and keep putting one foot in front of the other until you reach your goals.
We don’t know, nor do we care, what causes these people to act out in these negative bursts. Just keep living your life in a positive manner and you will spread the joy, or in your case, joyous tango.
I’m glad you have found something that makes your life that much brighter, and I strive to find the same thing for myself every day.
Butta Scotch!
Thank you!!!
And glad you received my response. Looking forward to your tango report.
“Did you replace this guy’s toothpaste with Neosporin? Cause he’s pissed!”
That’s pretty fantastic!
It’s fantastic until it happens to you
Glad you appreciated the visual, Jen.
Pete,
A long while ago I used to have a tango blog (now offline), it was one of the most read tango blogs around for a while. With 6000 readers per day, the Wall St. Journal called it a ‘must read’. At the time when I was writing it, I was doing something a little more cathartic than what you’re doing now.
Me, I was just getting out of my head what was pouring into my head 15 hrs a day, every day, for 2 years straight. Not kidding. I was harsh to some, praising of others, and still indifferent at the same time, which was exactly the response I got from a lot of people. For a lot of people, they really didn’t care. Some did and showed their massive displeasure that I even existed.
I pissed off more people than I could shake a stick at. I got more shit than you can possibly imagine, your post is indicative of what I used to get on a daily basis. For every one of the nice comments I got about some lengthy diatribe, I got about 10 more that were vociferous at best, and down right evil at worst.
Since you don’t travel, you’re safe from being house bombed. At the time I was traveling for tango nearly every weekend. I was at some festival, workshop, or somewhere else other than San Francisco for the weekends. And because of that, and because everyone knew what I looked like from my blog, from the videos I posted on youtube of my horrible dancing, and learning process, I would be accosted at Festivals from all points.
I literally could not walk into a milonga anywhere in the country and NOT be recognized. Pray that that never happens to you.
I commend you for handling this situation positively. And don’t worry about the nay sayers. Keep doing what you’re doing. There will be people that don’t like you, there will be people that do. Here’s a small piece of cheap advice: Make certain that your friends outnumber your enemies, two to one.
I’ll tell you a tiny story. I started teaching about a year or so in. WITH THE BLESSING of ALL SEVEN of MY TEACHERS (including Daniel Trenner, Homer Ladas, Sean Dockery, Charity Lebron…(7 privates a week for nearly two years builds a cadre of teachers). I learned early on that best learned is self taught, and my personal favorite (which isn’t mine) that we teach that which most need to learn. So if you’re teaching I support that. I also temper that with there is no better way to learn your lessons unless you have to explain it to someone else!
So don’t let nobody tell you different.
Follow your path.
Miles, my travels have begun as I start incorporating social dancing into my normal business trips across the U.S. I can totally envision what being bombed entails:
Everyone probably thinks they know you from just your online presence, when in reality, they know nothing about you.
As much as I fear the criticism, I also welcome it. I’ll tell you though, trying to make sour grapes into wine all the time really takes it out of you!
Ευχαριστω, Miles!
Al Pacino definitely said it best, I may well stick that clip in one of my posts. Too many on the dance floor want to tell “you are doing that wrong” I believe it is best to look to yourself, the best dancers can make their partner look and feel great. No room for negativity here, spread happiness, we dance for joy, we dance for each other, for the music. You want to be misserable? become a traffic warden or tax inspector.