I notice lately that new, and even intermediate, leaders prefer being babied by their partners. Naughty, naughty, gentlemen!
This behavior creates followers that never fully let go of themselves because they’re too busy pampering the insecurities of their leaders instead of focusing on becoming the best dancers they can be.
Stop Making Excuses for Yourself
Every leader is prone to this one. You make a mistake and stops dancing in order to apologize or justify your actions to your partner. The first or second time it’s cute and forgivable, but your partner will surely get annoyed with the sudden stopping and restarting.
Korey Ireland once suggested that instead of socializing (talking) while you dance, simply stop to find the connection with the music and your partner, and keep the flow of dance moving. No words, no excuses, just the constant pursuit of connection.
Don’t Place Your Responsibility on the Follower
How can she let go and enjoy following if you appoint her the duty of critiquing your every move? Asking for feedback on how your lead affects her is wonderful, but probing until she finally says Good Job! turns your partnership into a one-sided praise-fest. A fellow follower commented on this phenomenon:
I don’t mind critiquing dance partners, but at a class where you rotate to different people, it does become a bit of a burden to say the same thing over again to different people… I finally couldn’t say “Good job” anymore. What popped out of my mouth was, “Not bad.” Ooops!
If You Don’t Trust Yourself, She Won’t Trust You
If you sincerely don’t have the ability in the beginning, then at least trust in your lack of ability and smile as you work hard to improve it. Your followers should appreciate and thank you for the honesty, even if your dancing is shaky.
Don’t try and hide your uncertainty because it seeps out and your partner senses it. Be weary of over-using the disclaimer “I’m a beginner, so bear with me” because it will set off your partner’s radar and keep her on edge.
Saying sorry and making excuses is contagious and can lead to room full of uncertain, apologetic dancers swimming in a sea of awkwardness. Leaders, give yourself an A+ before you get to class or a milonga and let your attitude set the stage for a wonderful evening of dancing.
You May Enjoy These:
{ 2 tango-induced comments… read them, love them, and add your 2 cents! }
I agree, sorry doesn’t fix anything, just keep on dancing and try and do it better next time. Talk about how to fix it after the dance is over.
As a follower, trust is the biggest obstacle standing between you and the perfect tango. In the moment that you completely trust your partner and allow him to lead you completely, without any anticipation, you are relinquishing part of yourself. To be able to trust someone that much is quite an extraordinary thing, it creates an incredible connection between the two. This is why so many are addicted to Argentine tango. Much as Buddhists strive to reach Nirvana through meditation, tangueros and tangueras strive for the perfect tango.