The first in a series of seven short articles:
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Tango Dancers
The good doctor, Stephen R. Covey, suggests that you are not solely the product of your upbringing, conditioning, or genetic makeup. Do you believe that?
I do.
Change Your Habits, Change Your Life
You don’t live in the wild anymore so you’re not forced to use fight or flight responses to hunt, gather, and survive. The world is a slightly calmer place now. Primal instincts have evolved into higher-level thinking even though coarse reactions still exist within you.
During your Tango journey, the frustrations you face might make you want to spear someone or hide in a cave until the storm subsides, but instead of surrendering to your first reaction, you can respond to stimuli by being proactive.
A typical reaction is compulsive and void of critical thinking, which can quickly turn ugly since the law says we can’t use violence to solve our problems. But being proactive is the overlooked opportunity between stimulus and response.
Stop Being Reactive and Start Being Proactive
The first time I stepped on a lady’s foot like a cliché, I danced around the possibility that it was my fault. She just wouldn’t extend back far enough, right? I continued to trample on her feet, and she still kept under-extending.
What was her problem?
It was me. I was her problem. I grew frustrated and angry: “Extend your leg, lady!” What’s so hard about that? Wrong thinking, Petie-boy!
You can’t always blame external sources for your obstacles and problems. If it takes two to Tango, then it’s possible you are involved somehow. Detach yourself from the situation and take responsibility if you are partly to blame.
We’re Not Animals
Remember, you possess the ability for higher-thinking, so stop acting like a dog does when a cat walks by. If you’re going to act like an animal, be a duck– with its water-proof feathers – and let things roll off your back long enough to at least think things through. You have more time than you think to respond proactively.
If I had stopped to think about what was causing our feet to collide, I would have noticed that I was projecting my feet first instead of my chest so she never actually felt my lead in time to extend. The ground beef building up in her open-toed shoes was definitely my fault.
Burgers, anyone?
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Great post! Here is another way to be proactive, ask your partner what you can do to make the dance feel better, or what can we do to fix this problem. In the cliche example given, the follower might have said I am not feeling your lead. After all, you are partners, work it out together.