I just stumbled upon this post…and yes tango therapy is an emerging field! I’m a dance therapy master’s student doing my thesis on “the experience of relationship in tango” in hopes to do my own eventual “tango counseling.” Good and juicy stuff! Such rich relational material to discuss…

Great suggestions all around. Seems like you always go for the win/win situation. I like that!

1. Always be a Gentleman. Never complain to the lady about anything while dancing.

2. Try humor:

I’m not certain that there is any reason to let your partner know that you are frustrated during a dance. Unless you are being injured in any way there’s no reason to impinge upon a lady’s otherwise nice experience. If her hair is bugging you then say, “mmm, your hair is tasty, is that breck?” or say “I think your hair has fallen in love with my nose”. That way she get’s the message, she thinks the message is funny and she fixes her hair. End of current frustration. If that doesn’t work then go for loose embrace.

Saying that you are “frustrated” might cause her to freeze up, or worse attempt to perform better for you, which is the antithesis of a good time in tango. (unless of course you are performing). Some people have had problems in their past that would cause a simple comment like “I’m frustrated with your hair in my nose”, to feel like a slap in the face. You just never know how your comment will come off, so better safe than sorry.

My goal is always to make certain that the lady thinks that THIS TANGO was the best in my entire life. And that dancing with her made my night. If she feels beautiful and appreciated at the end of the Tanda then, I feel like a successful partner.

Regardless of whatever my current frustration might be, (and at times, there are many) my partner NEVER finds out. That’s my little secret.

Now the above comment about body odor…that’s another story!

Nice post and site, kudos!
/lg

Well said, HS.

However, I did get a little frustrated with one of my partners – but it wasn’t his fault. It was my fault because it was toward the end of the class and I was experiencing brain overload – I had learned so much.

So when I kept making mistakes, it was extremely frustrating to me. Now that I think about the occasion, I wonder how frustrating it was to him!

Try something different together and rebuild your connection (no pun intended). Taking your mind off Tango could help the two of you.

If the nasty feelings persist, then some time apart might be a helpful way to sort out the feelings you feel.

You need time to flush out thoughts that are getting in the way. If you don’t notice change over time, then the relationship is destructive and you have to move on.

Think about how much Tango misses you?

Regularly danced with another guy because The Boy was abroad. Other Guy fell in love with me and wooed me. Girl Without Self-Esteem got caught up in compliments, started doubting long-distance relationship, and almost had an affair.

Due to its almost-ness and other components it took a year to mend the prior relationship once it stopped being long-distance. Still can’t go tango dancing with The Boy because we always start arguing or feeling dissonances b/c either I am caught up in melancholy reminiscing or else he thinks I am, and a series of similar experiences lying behind us makes the whole topic loaded.

He says we should wait and not talk about it until we feel like tangoing with each other again. I feel that the longer I wait, the more discontent I will get, and the less likely it is that I’ll go to a milonga feeling relaxed and unapprehensive.

What shall I do?