The amazing thing about stereotypes is that no one is immune to them. Not me, not you, not even my friend who competes in International Tango. When I asked her what she knew about Argentine Tango, I was blown away by her response…

Well, first you bite on a rose. Then, you lunge to the side like you’re angry. And, just when your partner goes to kiss you, you turn your head real fast and look away like you’re mad at him.

It’s passion!

Her mangled understanding of passion forced me to search for other opinions on the topic. I stumbled across a great article by Sharna Fabiano of Tango Mercurio that I’d like to share with you.

After you finish reading, come back here and find out what she taught me about tango musicality.

A guest post from Sharna Fabiano: Passion Container

I frequently hear the word “passion” used to describe tango. Even those who do not dance at all will say to friends and strangers, “Tango is such a passionate dance.” After dancing tango for more than a decade, I would be the first to agree that the tango calls forth our deepest passions.

However, it bothers me that passionate is sometimes understood as “sexual” in the tango world, even though it has a much broader meaning in other contexts. One could be, for example, passionate about medical research or aeronautical engineering calculations, passionate about baseball, riding horses, cooking or, in my case, knitting. When we speak of these passions, we are not referring to a sexual feeling per se, but simply an intense, emotional one.

Similarly, when we say tango is a passionate dance, we can understand it to mean a dance or a tradition with a lot of emotional feeling and intensity, rather than an experience that is always sexual.

For some, the association of tango with sexual attraction puts a spin on the entire evening of dancing, creating a certain amount of conflict and confusion and perhaps eliminating many great dance experiences that might have been.

I’d like to include in the understanding of tango connection a passion for dancing itself, a passion for creativity, a passion for music, a passion for sensuality rather than sexuality. These are passions that can be shared enthusiastically by any two partners, regardless of age, race, gender, or sexual orientation.

For me, tango is an elegant and powerful language that can express many things, among them camaraderie, romance, respect, curiosity, playfulness, and joy.

Insomuch as dance is a corporal expression of human feeling, the quality of the steps of the two lovers will reflect the life they share together. The dance of the teacher and the student, on the other hand, might be influenced by feelings of mutual respect and support.

How steps are improvised, their musicality, and above all the quality of the movement are all unique to the dance couple at that moment in time, and I believe that the mechanics of tango and its emotional content are woven together. Therefore by accepting a wider scope of emotional experience, beyond sexual attraction, we expand our creative potential.

We can, of course, choose to express attraction or romantic interest with the language of tango, but we are by no means limited to only that. We could also be flirtatious throwing a Frisbee, but clearly it isn’t required to enjoy the game!

In order to dance well, we must develop a physical sense of our own body and that of our partner. By “physical sense,” I don’t mean simply that we visualize or imagine the shape of our bodies, but rather that we enter the visceral, non-intellectual experience of the body where there are no words, where there is a different way of communication.

As tango dancers, we learn to trust our senses of touch and hearing without intellectual analysis, and this brings us into the world of sensual experience on which our creative self thrives. Many students of mine over the years have commented that after learning to dance tango they began to pursue writing, yoga, or music.

Changes in haircuts, wardrobes, and home décor are common amongst new dancers, and I believe this is in part because dancing tango makes us more creative people. The tango teaches us to be passionate, expressive people.

In the words of one thoughtful dancer: “I began dancing tango to meet women, but in the end I met myself.”

It would be silly, of course, to deny that sexuality has no place in tango, and in fact, as testimony to its strength, many tango couples I know have private agreements about dancing at the milonga such as “the 2 set rule,” the “once an hour rule,” or the “first set of the night/last set of the night rule.”

One woman I know had frequent arguments with her husband over taking tango classes (He was not a dancer himself). In his mind, the tango was by definition a sexual experience, and he couldn’t stand the idea of his wife dancing with other men. I shared with him the perspective of sensuality linked to movement and music, rather than sexual attraction, and eventually he was able to appreciate his wife’s passion for the tango, rather than what he imagined was her passion for other men!

I think it is very human to feel jealous, and the tango’s closeness tends to push this button more than other activities or hobbies we might choose. In few other situations do we witness our wives, husbands, girlfriends and boyfriends wrapped in the “passionate” embrace of another person’s arms. I certainly have experienced my share of jealousy at the milonga.

However, here is where it helps to interpret “passion” as simply intense feeling, not necessarily sexual feeling. In talking with social dancers, most of time the intense feeling is coming from the sensation of the tango connection itself, or from their love of the dance itself, not from sexual attraction. Dancers love to dance, period, and the sensual connection between partners is a central part of the tango experience.

Still, having personal rituals at the milonga with your life partner can provide the reassurance that we need to enjoy dancing with many different partners each night, but the ultimate answer to jealousy, of course, is communication, and in this case, verbal communication might be necessary!

I think of the sensuality of tango as a “passion container” which holds all emotions that pass through the body. Sexual attraction is only one of these emotions, albeit one of the strongest ones, and because it is so strong, and provokes jealousy unconsciously in many of us, it makes sense to me to treat it with care.

I have spoken with many dancers on this subject over the years, and one man I know described his experience this way: “I express many things with my dancing, but I cannot express what I feel for my wife with anyone except her.” A woman I spoke with, after about twenty years of social dancing, was able to say to me about her long-time life partner, “I am so happy when he has a good woman to dance with!”

I am inspired by these examples, which show that the passion container makes it possible to experience many kinds of sensual tango connections, and to handle jealousy in healthy ways. More powerful still is that understanding sensuality in the tango embrace can actually enhance our ability to love and commit to a life partner, and to other close friendships.

The more time we spend in the sensual space of human experience, the more intuitive we become about the passions and desires of those around us. We feel and understand on a deep level our own creative self, and the presence of a creative self in every person.

This perspective can make it more natural for us to genuinely support our friends and loved ones’ creative dreams and inspirations, whether they be cooking dinner at home, enrolling in painting classes, or launching an investment company.

To truly enjoy social dancing with many people, I have found the perspective of a sensual tango connection is essential. Learning greater body awareness allows us to place sexual feelings in context, as one of a multitude of possible emotions expressed through the body in the passion container of tango.

A few other examples of what sensual tango language might express are humor, comfort, playfulness, friendship, and joy. Surely, “dancing with passion” must mean that we allow these feelings and a multitude of others into our tango, and in so doing, encourage a happier, healthier, more creative community in which to dance and to live.

About the Author: Sharna Fabiano is the passionate Executive Director of Tango Mercurio, a nonprofit organization in Washington, DC.

To learn more about how she promotes Argentine Tango as an agent of community transformation, visit http://www.tangomercurio.com.

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